The London branch meeting took on a rather different tone as 65 or so members spent an hour with an hostage negotiator – well, except that no one was taken hostage and we were all there of our own free will, reports co-chairman Abraham Okusanya CFPCM.
We had pleasure of listening to a presentation by former Met Police hostage negotiation trainer Richard Mullender on how to improve our communication skills.
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Going by the feedback we received from members, the presentation resonated so much with everyone, not only because Richard is an exceptional and engaging presenter but also because much of the content is counterintuitive in nature. For instance, conventional wisdom of asking open-ended questions such as what, where, when and how, was shown not to be at all effective if you are trying to get into the heart of the matter in a conversation. These questions narrow down conversation far too quickly and vital points can often be missed. Instead, Richard, speaking at the January meeting, suggested asking very few questions and instead only taking your turn in the conversation by saying 'and, hum, tell me more' etc.
If you are going to ask questions (and Richard emphasized the need to ask as few as possible) then TEDSPIE if the formula you need. This acronym stands for
• Tell me
• Explain to me
• Describe to me
• Show me
• Precisely
• In detail
• Exactly
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As part of his session, Richard also touched on the subject of body language. Contrary to what most of us have been told over the years on the subject, body language tells very little about what a person is really thinking or saying. Richard demonstrated, using his experience in life and death hostage negotiations that you can get all the information you need from words and tone of voice but, only if you pay attention to what they are telling you.
The presentation left everyone enthused, with new ideas to put into practice with their next conversation with clients and colleagues alike.
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We've got some excellent speakers and sessions to look forward to this year. Join us at the fabulous offices of UBS on 5 March to hear from Phil Billingham CFPCM who'll be discussing client communication skills. You'll be most welcome!